I have had one of the greatest two weeks of my life, musically speaking. I realized at the beginning of those two weeks that I had too much stuff. For various reasons, none necessary enough to mention, I have moved my bedroom into my studio. Wanting to keep the feel of my studio without the distractions of a bedroom ensemble, I decided to make a fake wall out of my media (some movies, some books, but mostly a whole lot of music, i.e. cds, records, tapes, music videos, etc.) I did not think I had enough to fill my shelves and in so doing create the fake wall. Boy was I wrong! My fake wall is 12 feet long by 7 feet high and is double sided, and completely filled with my media. There is something wrong with that. Why should I have so much when there are people out there with so little?
Besides that, I started thinking about how attached I was to all of it. I believe that my primary focus in life should be on God and what He wants me to do in this world while I am here. I want to change the world in a positive way maybe through my music (I'll get back to that) or in another way. But how effectively can I do that if I am weighed down by things that I will never be able to take with me when I die anyway? I had to ask myself if my focus had become more about my music than God. Thankfully, after some serious thought, I realized that my focus was on God.
God didn't ask me to unload all of my worldly possessions, but I have started thinking that it would be better to travel light in case one day God tells me to pack up and move to Australia, or Mars for that matter. This is actually something I went through when I was 16 also. At that time, when I was done with my life priority overhaul, all I had were my clothes, my car, my guitar, my bible, and my music (my collection was small enough to carry with me still). Now things are a little different, but not in ways that matter. Now I have a business that has tools, like my studio. You can't exactly make that smaller or move it at a moments notice. But this is where my attitude has changed. If God asked me to drop it all and move, I would. God can provide more than enough for me to completely start over as many times as He needs me to. It's only stuff. I have to leave it when I go to heaven anyway, so I've got to be willing to leave it in Colorado or wherever I am if I need to. That's a good place to be in!
This aside, I know God still wants me to enjoy life and things like media, as long as it doesn't become my primary focus. So I started to make what I can portable in case I have to go somewhere else. All my studio work is backed up on hard drives so that one's easy. My media is a little bit harder to backup. Many books (if they are classics can be found for free in e-text or even audio book form at gutenberg.org. My cds I can copy onto my hard drive. Records and tapes will have to come later when I have all the converters.
As I have been doing this (only books so far) I have been giving them away. I also gave away some clothing. If I sold something, I used the money to give to a church or a person who needed it. I have even been giving my food to a couple of my roommates who are currently out of jobs with no money. Out of doing this I have discovered for myself a strange quandary about God. You cannot out give Him. The more I have been giving, the more I have been getting. I gave away a bunch of books and now have more than I know what to do with (other than giving again). I gave away clothes and now have a new wardrobe, so now I'm giving away more clothes! Even food is being given to me, which I am in turn giving to my roommates. I even have more money, and I can't explain that one. My paychecks are still the same and I'm not making a profit with music, but still my money seems to be going fsrther than it ever has before! This is all in the past two weeks. This will probably keep growing till I am just passing along the blessings to everyone I meet!
Now my frustration. I want to change the world with my music. Yeah, it's not normal music, but the fact that it's different should be compelling enough to get people to share it and spread it around. I have resorted to giving it away because I believe that it can do a lot and will hold a lot of meaning for a lot of people. Maybe just because of its being different. I don't know. But I do know I have gotten very little response. A couple of die hard fans. Okay, more than a couple. Three. I have three die hard fans (you know who you are, God bless you!). Other than them, I don't think any one has truly listened to my music, because I guarantee there is something to it that makes you want to listen again and again, and share it with others. I can say that confidently because every musician has written music that they are embarrassed by, that doesn't live up to their current work. I also don't know of any musicians who want to hear their own music, and who don't get tired of hearing their own songs after a while. I am past all my bad works. I only published those out of posterity, and as a sort of audio log of where I was, of a moment in time or a period piece of Buzzhead Republic history. But all my albums from Reaver Doves on are so down to earth and so from the heart that even I have to listen to them. I composed them so in tune to the human soul that they speak to me as if I didn't write them, like they were always there, somewhere, just waiting for someone like me to bring them into the light.
After writing all this though, I don't feel so frustrated. After all, my focus is on God. None of this really matters. It just matters to me.
...please buy something though. At least my music can pay for itself then.
