You Will Be On MTV Europe

It's 12:59 in the a.m. and I can't sleep. I got a little restless wondering what was going on with my album so I called "Scoe" one last time and left a message. I say one last time because I don't see any reason to continue calling if my calls aren't getting returned. ...Maybe he'll call back this time.

Nothing I'm writing right now is meant to be a downer, I'm just writing. In fact, I am in high spirits! I really believe that my life is finally making a turning point for the better! I'm not even worried about what might happen because I know that what is best is what's going to happen. We have the power to change the universe around us and it comes down to our thoughts, words, and emotions.

My thoughts are of a successful music career. That thought alone, of being able to do what I love the most for a living, brings me great joy. I can't help but smile! I think that if you want something to come to pass you need to have faith and act as if you already have it. But that doesn't mean pretending. I think it means you need to imagine yourself where you want to be and imagine what it would feel like if you were already there. It takes a lot of emotional control because you have to put aside all the negative emotions that tell you it will never happen. My words (though I'm not always good at this) reflect my thoughts and emotions.

I was told by "Scoe" last year that I will be on MTV Europe this year, and that I needed to believe it. I told him I did, and I still do. We are getting close to the last quarter of the year to release new music. So unless we go on a crash course to release my album (or at least a single) and shoot a music video so that it makes sense that I'm on MTV Europe, unless you want me to stand in a room waving at the camera for three minutes, we are too late.

But you know what? I believe in God and He is never late. NEVER. I have had that proven to me more times than I can count, and I have witnesses who can testify to that. Some of them have even wished that God would not come through so that they could prove to me once and for all that He didn't exist. Guess what. He came through at the last possible minute and proved to them that He did exist. I see my current situation as being no different. God is never late so I am confident in saying right now that I will be on MTV Europe before the year is through! Don't believe me? Just watch. I'll be announcing it as soon as it happens.

Update, June 02, 2012: I was never on MTV Europe before the year was through. So what does this mean? I can't say God doesn't exist, because this is the first time I've experienced Him not coming through when I thought He would. I do believe He is never late, so when things do happen, it will all make sense. But it doesn't right now. Some could say that my confidence is misplaced or I'm misguided, but I would say that I have always silently prayed that above all else, God's Will was done in my life. Maybe it's not God's Will. Maybe it is, but not the appointed time yet. Whatever the case may be, my faith is still strong and unwavering. If that makes me seem more foolish to some of you, then so be it. I make no apologies. 

Sub Pop

Okay, I've contacted Sub Pop. I don't know why it has taken me so long to do this.They are really a more perfect fit for me than Def Jam or Island (sorry guys, you took too long to get back to me).

I hope I hear back sooner this time around. ...you know, it would be fun to be on the same label that inspired me to become a musician and do things my way more than 15 years ago! Of course, this is me trying to be positive. I've been rejected in one form or another for a long time now. It's hard to keep picking myself up and going for it again.

You know who else inspired me? Sonic Youth.

Seven and A Half Months and Finally An Update

...but it's not a big one. I was finally able to get through and leave a voice message on Anthony "Scoe"'s phone. I hope he has good news. I absolutely don't want to find out that my getting on MTV Europe was a lie.

That's it. But that won't be it. I'm staying positive, and for me even a worse case scenario is better than where I am now. I am going to make it! You'll see.

Four Months Today and A Free Download

Four months and still no word from Def Jam or Island Records. I have started contacting other record companies again. Hoping to hear back from Sub Pop.

I really need a breakthrough soon. I had to sell furniture to finish covering the rent a couple of months back, and I've been putting off getting new glasses for over six months. I thought I finally was able to get something as simple as that, but my car tags renewal notice came in the mail. That's top priority, so there went my glasses money for this month. Maybe next month, but I don't know. I have to take an extra $50 out of every paycheck (I get paid once a month) to cover taxes for next year. That pretty much takes all the extra I have after I pay bills. I have no debt, and I only have three bills to pay every month, so I'm actually in good shape that way, but I just don't make enough money. I sacrificed everything for music. It was and still is my passion. I just need a major breakthrough.

Some people have been telling me lately that my music is complete and utter crap; that I shouldn't bother waiting for a record deal, because it is never going to come. Maybe, but I was signed once with a former band and I'm way better than they ever were. I also toured for several years and even made it to England. If it could be done then, then it could definitely be done now!

I also contacted some recording studios in town to get my foot in the door some other way. Haven't heard back from anyone yet.

All this lack of interest, response, or even eagerness from others sure gets my hopes up (he says sarcastically). ...sigh....I really hope the naysayers are totally and completely wrong about me.

I've been reworking the post production on my most recent album, "The Lemon Revolution". It is less harsh, and has a warmer "feel" to the overall sound. I put together a meta album complete with artwork, lyrics, and artist notes. Here's a free link to download it. Please enjoy it and share it with everyone you know:  Buzzhead Republic - The Lemon Revolution

Three Months and Fifteen Days

It has now been three and a half months since I went to the Def Jam/ Island Records music showcase. I still have not heard back from anyone even though they said they would contact me. ....I don't know what to think. I just don't. I believe I'm really good, and I would only be better with the help of professionals. And, I know my sound is different, but I'm sure it has high market ability in Europe.

There have been times when I have felt like giving up, but I can't give up now. Not when I am this close. It has been hard though, to keep hanging on; and going through the same hard routine day in and day out, hoping against hope that it is just a matter of time. In trying to stay focused and positive I have been envisioning what I want.

This is what I see:

I quit my job as a janitor.
I am recording my first album with Island Records.
I am doing studio and production work for Def Jam.
I have the same producer that My Bloody Valentine had (and that Nine Inch Nails had on "The Fragile").
I am touring all over the world but primarily Europe promoting my new album.
I have multiple hit songs on the radio and music videos on MTV Europe and elsewhere.
I went to the dentist and didn't get turned away because I didn't have enough money.
I bought a car so I wouldn't have to borrow one anymore.
I hired a caregiver to help my disabled mom while I am gone on tour, and recording, and being busy with my career.
I am not a one hit wonder.
I have a life long career doing what I love.
I continue to use what I have been blessed with to bless others, but in even greater ways than before.

Those thoughts (and more personal ones) are what keep me going on. I know it will happen! It has to happen!

Here is a new song and video I finished today:

Two Months Today, and A Song By Me

It has been two months today since I went to the Def Jam conference. I thought I was supposed to get a call from someone, Anthony, Lenny, Def Jam, Island, someone, anyone, within a couple of weeks. I have tried calling several times, but the mail box is always full. Haven't received any emails from them either. I thought I was showing a lot of patience by waiting this long .....I know, it's not that long in the music business. I may have to wait several more months. I guess I'm just frustrated because I re-injured my back at work this week. I don't have a bad back, it just gets strained from time to time because of the work I do. My job is not worth the pain I am in right now! If I was in pain doing the job I was created for, it would be like nothing at all!! Music is fun to me. No aspect of it feels like work. It is just pure joy. And that's all I want to do with my life. Well, anyway, I'm going to make up some lyrics right now:


Too many more days to go
And I'm running out of show
And there's nowhere else to go
But I'm feeling kind of uneasy

The cupboards came today
Let's all go out and play

All of these things have passed
And our future is in our past
And we gave in way to fast
But I'm feeling kind of lazy
All the battles are in the fist
And I'm keeping track with this list
And today was what I wished
But tomorrow is kind of hazy

The cupboards came today
Let's all go out and play


I think I will call this song  Go Out and Play.

My Top Songs of 2010

Pictures of the Floating World inspired me to make my own list of the top songs of 2010. I know it's a little late for a New Year retrospective blog post but what the hey. There is no particular order to these songs. They are just songs that inspired me and/or I could relate to. Usually I don't pay attention to the lyrics because I like to study the music (you know because I'm also a musician). There are a few songs that I liked for the lyrics though.

1)My Bloody Valentine - Cupid Come, (When You Wake) You're Still In A Dream, I Can See It (But I Don't Feel It. This is one of my favorite bands of all time. Their guitar tunesmithery (new word!) is still inspiring even after 22 years. Coincidentally, they had the same producer that Nine Inch Nails used for The Fragile album. I didn't know this when I started obsessively studying The Fragile and the My Bloody Valentine albums, Isn't Anything and Loveless for my personal music. Going a little off the beaten path can really help you get creative with your own music. On Wikipedia I just found out that My Bloody Valentine were signed to Island Records, which is the same company looking at my music. Now I really want to be signed to Island, considering also that I want the same producer! Favorite for this year is I Can See It (But I Don't Feel It).

2)Nine Inch Nails - No You Don't, The Great Below, The Perfect Drug, The Beginning of the End, Survivalism, Capital G, The Great Destroyer, In This Twilight. Favorite for this year is In This Twilight.

3)The Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me Halfway. I was listening to a lot of Europop/Synthpop this year. This was my favorite.

4)Built To Spill - Kicked It In the Sun. I like the lyrics. My favorite lines are from the second half of the song:
it's alright now I'm getting over getting mine
it's alright now I'm getting over getting mine

he seemed so unashamed of how he operated
corresponds to the facts that you want
despite his expectations
he turned out mediocre
his master plan was so so
we're special in other ways
ways our mothers appreciate
that net does not make me feel safe
all those holes make me nervous

he woke up late that morning
went to the window and saw the sun had stopped its shining
so so
we're special in other ways
ways our mothers appreciate
we're special in other ways
ways our mothers appreciate
we're special
we're special

5)Courtney Love - Letter To God, Pacific Coast Highway, Happy Ending Story, For Once In Your Life. This album, Nobody's Daughter, is autobiographical, and I think she wrote it while in rehab. The lyrics also suggest that she found God.

6)The Frame - Sad Songs. Makes me cry every time I hear it. Seriously, I can't listen to it at work because of this. These are the lyrics of a man resigned to his fate, giving up ever making it. Incidentally, he did end up making it. It is inspiring because I feel like I'm where he was before he made it.

7)Girls Against Boys - Wow Wow Wow. Another sonic flood of tunesmithery. I literally looped this for two hours one day.

8)Johnny Cash - Solitary Man. I have the original version by Neil Diamond on vinyl, and I like that just as much. You'd have to spend a day in my shoes to understand why I like this.

9)Local H - Lovey Dovey. A song about others being in love when you are not.

10)Mission Of Burma - That's When I Reach For My Revolver. Obscure Punk/Alternative band from the 80s. It has a good feeling kind of like the Kids In the Hall theme. I also swear I heard this when I was a kid but can't think of when or where, or how for that matter.

11)Nada Surf - Popular, Do It Again. Strangely, Popular is more relevant than it was when I was in school. I really just like everything about Do It Again including the lyrics. Favorite line is: 'Maybe this weight was a gift, like I had to see what I could lift.'

12)No Longer Micah - Fractured, Restored. These lyrics are perfect. They really couldn't be written any better.

13)Orbit - Carnival. Great lyrics, great music. Nice and loud 90s Alternative/Grunge.

14)Pixies - Wave of Mutilation, Monkey Gone To Heaven. I like the lyrics of both songs, but the sound of Monkey Gone To Heaven is fantastic.
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15)Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet - Having An Average Weekend. The Kids In the Hall theme. Need I say more? ...Makes me feel like a kid again.

16)The Sundays - Goodbye, Love, Blood On My Hands. 90s Alternative girl rock.

17)Paramore - The Only Exception. Great lyrics for the most part. I wrote a blog about this song. Line most like me: 'And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance, and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness.'

18)Pavement - Cut Your Hair. About change. The music video shows them sitting in the waiting room of life. Waiting to cut their hair. Grow up. Come of age. Change. This song gets more relevant the older I get.

19)Flyleaf - Missing.

20)Roisin Murphy - You Know Me Better. Has a good familiar feel to it.

21)Whale - Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe. Obscure 90s Alternative/ Grunge/ Hip Hop band. This is the only song I can find to put on my mp3 player. They had a unique sound. An entire genre could be built around them. They were very inspiring to me. The same goes for the last entry:

22)Tricky - Hell Is Around the Corner. Great 90s British Hip Hop.

Back To Work

I didn't have to work yesterday because it was called off due to snow. It's good to get an extra day off to do something I really want to do, like write music. I got a really great new melody going! It has some jazz chords in it too, so it's a lot of fun to play!!

It's back to work today....(sigh).... I really wish I knew what was going on with my album in the hands of Island Records. It would be nice to have some solid knowledge that I won't be working at my crap job for the rest of my life. ...Is it sad that I can feel my heart breaking every time the weekend is over?