Three Months and Fifteen Days

It has now been three and a half months since I went to the Def Jam/ Island Records music showcase. I still have not heard back from anyone even though they said they would contact me. ....I don't know what to think. I just don't. I believe I'm really good, and I would only be better with the help of professionals. And, I know my sound is different, but I'm sure it has high market ability in Europe.

There have been times when I have felt like giving up, but I can't give up now. Not when I am this close. It has been hard though, to keep hanging on; and going through the same hard routine day in and day out, hoping against hope that it is just a matter of time. In trying to stay focused and positive I have been envisioning what I want.

This is what I see:

I quit my job as a janitor.
I am recording my first album with Island Records.
I am doing studio and production work for Def Jam.
I have the same producer that My Bloody Valentine had (and that Nine Inch Nails had on "The Fragile").
I am touring all over the world but primarily Europe promoting my new album.
I have multiple hit songs on the radio and music videos on MTV Europe and elsewhere.
I went to the dentist and didn't get turned away because I didn't have enough money.
I bought a car so I wouldn't have to borrow one anymore.
I hired a caregiver to help my disabled mom while I am gone on tour, and recording, and being busy with my career.
I am not a one hit wonder.
I have a life long career doing what I love.
I continue to use what I have been blessed with to bless others, but in even greater ways than before.

Those thoughts (and more personal ones) are what keep me going on. I know it will happen! It has to happen!

Here is a new song and video I finished today:

Two Months Today, and A Song By Me

It has been two months today since I went to the Def Jam conference. I thought I was supposed to get a call from someone, Anthony, Lenny, Def Jam, Island, someone, anyone, within a couple of weeks. I have tried calling several times, but the mail box is always full. Haven't received any emails from them either. I thought I was showing a lot of patience by waiting this long .....I know, it's not that long in the music business. I may have to wait several more months. I guess I'm just frustrated because I re-injured my back at work this week. I don't have a bad back, it just gets strained from time to time because of the work I do. My job is not worth the pain I am in right now! If I was in pain doing the job I was created for, it would be like nothing at all!! Music is fun to me. No aspect of it feels like work. It is just pure joy. And that's all I want to do with my life. Well, anyway, I'm going to make up some lyrics right now:


Too many more days to go
And I'm running out of show
And there's nowhere else to go
But I'm feeling kind of uneasy

The cupboards came today
Let's all go out and play

All of these things have passed
And our future is in our past
And we gave in way to fast
But I'm feeling kind of lazy
All the battles are in the fist
And I'm keeping track with this list
And today was what I wished
But tomorrow is kind of hazy

The cupboards came today
Let's all go out and play


I think I will call this song  Go Out and Play.

The One About Pay To Play

Well it's been two weeks since my last post and I thought I'd write a little about what's been going on with my music. As I said in a previous post, I have a really well produced album in the DIY sense. I have found out though, as I have been trying to figure out how not to have my album shelved indefinitely while I raise money for production, that the industry expects you, with today's technology, to present them with a professionally mastered and produced album. It is the least you could do in their eyes. As I have also said before, pay to play is a whole lot more expensive than it ever was. Kurt Cobain had nothing to complain about. He had it easy. So, just to protect my rights as an artist and get the privilege of being listened to by any professional in the industry, I need to do the following:

1) have my album mastered at a minimum cost of $890
2) get individual ISRC codes embedded into each track on the master copy, which I have a sneaking suspicion also costs something and therefore will bring the mastering cost up
3) buy a bar code for only $20. I wish everything else was this cheep. This allows someone to keep track of sales so that I know how many units are sold. Great, except I can't sell anything I don't have a record or distribution deal. I've been told you don't need to be signed to sell albums, but when you are a one man band it's kind of the only way to get your name out there. This bar code needs to be part of the artwork so I need to redo my album art.
4) I can get my album art done professionally, which I'm going to have to do (sorry Nate) because I have discovered that the sizing and design for the type of release I want to do is way to complicated for a DIY to look good. Cost for this is $1890 but may be higher due to the fact that this is a double album and I can't get a price quote because double albums are now considered custom jobs.
5) use Discmakers to produce the album and sell it online. The minimum cost for a professionally pressed album including the packaging and promotion (100 posters and 24 shirts) is $4494 and also may be higher because of it being "custom".
6) I also need to copyright this and register it. I have no idea what the cost is for this. Discmakers will probably help with this.

Grand total (and this is a minimum estimate): $7294

Now the sad part for those that don't know. I'm a janitor. I only take home $12,000 a year. Thankfully, I have no debt, but the cost of living takes about 3/4 of what I make per year. So if I can manage to have no additional expenses like new glasses, tires for my car (which isn't even mine, I'm borrowing it. I just have to take care of it.), oil changes, eating out, etc., etc. So if I do nothing and spend nothing extra than the minimum to live off of, then I will be able to save the money for the cost of this in two and a half years. Even sadder is I didn't include the six singles I wanted to release at the same time. Sadder still, I have to do this just so I can have an acceptable album to submit to the record labels. Submissions also cost anywhere from $4 for a chance to get played on an internet radio station to $79 for a guy from a major label to listen to it not for a potential record deal but for his critique. I'm not joking.