Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #7

...lellies and remains... of Denver, CO yet again writes:

Alright, this is my question: What is the point of baggy bondage pants?

Dear ...lellies and remains...,
Somehow I knew you would ask me something like this. Baggy bondage is an oxymoron. Bondage pants are supposed to be restrictive to movement. Baggy pants are to allow you to move freely. In this case we have what I call retro fitting. Every new invention roughly resembles the thing it replaced. Going backwards in the BBC Connections like fashion....
Baggy bondage pants are the result of goths who listened to steady rythmic dance beats long enough to realize that all other electronic music has steady rythmic dance beats. In this case they became confused by raver music. Ravers like flashy glittery and of course baggy clothing. Goths not wanting to completely abandon their tight fitting, black wearing, punk roots opt for baggy black clothing. This just explains why the pants are black and baggy. But what about the bondage straps you may ask. This goes back to the nineties grunge years (also known as the baggy pants wearing skateboarders years). The skaters wore baggy pants to allow ease of movement while skating. The media became confused by this practical use of clothing and called it the new grunge fashion. Metalheads were hit the hardest by this. They, wanting to keep their edge started wearing the baggy pants but continued to wear all black. The media after realizing it's terrible mistake tried to fix this by omitting all mention of the word grunge and lobbying to have the laws changed so that companies like Clear Channel could buy out all the smaller companies and change their format to salsa and soft jazz. But they were already too late. The doors were opened for other older styles of music to hit the big time. Namely, punk. Punk, ever traditional and slowly getting worse, was effecting fashion once again. Metalheads, trying to retain their edge after the grunge (or should I say the alternative to alternative) incident, saw the punk look as a way to regain some of that edge. So, bondage straps were added to the baggy pants. But they were not too baggy yet. Going back to the raver thing, baggy pants just kept getting bigger and bigger. No explanation except that ravers really like flashy stuff. All of this should have disappeared rather quickly had it not been for the complete removal of all memory from the youth of the grunge movement. They had no memory of it so they couldn't go back and start over. This problem was perpetuated by the media's newly packaged new metal (another solution to the media's terrible mistake). New metal needed a style so they used the already described pants. That's the point of baggy bondage pants. I guess it really is an oxymoron. I'm going to bed. Wake me when we hit the next decade. Maybe things will be better.
Sincerely,
Dr. Mr. Rooster