Edward Bobhands aka jubby of Colorado Springs had this to say:
Why is it that when you try to smoke bacon you only get a politician?
Dear Edward Bobhands aka jubby,
Meat dealers much like car dealers try to sell you things you don't need or want for that matter. If you ask for a car with a cigarette lighter you get a flamethrower equipped S.W.A.T. team that hides in your trunk. Although I can think of many times where I've wanted this, I don't want to pay for this feature. Well, the same thing goes for meat dealers. They are very tricky merchants, so be careful. If you buy meat such as the aforementioned bacon, be sure to check the bags 'cause they sometimes like to slip an unwanted politician in there. Sometimes these merchants are so crafty that they even disguise the politicians to look like an ordinary piece of meat. This is why you sometimes won't discover them until you start cooking. Politicians live for heated debates, and they love to grill others, but not when they are under heat. If you happen to catch one under heat they will try to distract you with lawyer speak, and point to a bomb being dropped in your backyard (dropped by someone else by the way), and run out the nearest door. Sometimes, you will get an animal rights politician who will yell at you, throw the meat you were about to cook on the floor, and lock himself in your oven. The best thing to do in this situation is call Goodwill for a pick-up, and buy a new stove. As a side note, this is why you find broken down politicians in the 50% discount rack. DO NOT ATTEMPT RESCUE! Goodwill will throw them out after a couple of months, when they realize that noone wants a used, half-baked, discounted politician.
Signed,
Dr. Mr. Rooster
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