Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #14

Krankor of Colorado Springs, Colorado writes:

 Dear Mr Rooster,
Why do the people in the middle east hate everyone? Also, whay in heavens name haven't we bombed Europe yet?

Krankor



Dear Mr. (forgetting the doctor)  Krankor,
    Four words! The sand gets everywhere!
    Actually we did bomb Europe. We traveled  back in time and  dropped a nuke during the first incarnation of europe, thus creating the Dark Ages.  The effects of this incident are visible in the royal family hence  the reason why we haven't nuked them today. Americans like small heads and big ears. We think it's funny.
                                                                    Where, oh where is the Bear?,
                                                                                  Dr. Mr. Rooster

Made by my friend Biscuzzio.

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #13

Mick of Colorado Springs, CO writes:

Dear Dr. Mr. Rooster,
I was rummaging about the interweb a few days ago and I came upon the most interesting band, Buzzhead Republic. The band was great and a lot of fun. I have on many occassions attempted to see them live however, every single time I go to a gig I see REALLY bright lights and then wake up roughly and hour later, very tired with no memorie. As you can of course imagine, this had become a very serious source of frustration for me, especially when I awake in cities Ive never been to before.

So the question I suppose to you is: What exactly is my affliction and why oh why can I not find my pillows?

Mick


Dear Mick,
   This infliction you speak of is not uncommon. You see, a band such as Buzzhead Republic is so universally bodacious that beings from around the universe come to see them perform. They have one of the most amazing light shows in this part of the galaxy, but it is not their lights that you see, and I will explain: Often, when seating is limited, aliens have been known to abduct people who are in line in front of them, hence the bright lights and memory loss. The reason why you sometimes end up in other cities is that the same aliens also like to travel with the band on their tours. As for your missing pillows, a professional hypnotist may help you with what REALLY happened to you and your pillows during that hour on the space ship. As a side note: other signs of abduction are bad spelling and bad grammar on blog postings. In the meantime, until you are able to see one of these bodacious Buzzhead Republic shows, watch out for anal probes. They are most unpleasant and hard to remove.

Good luck,
Dr. Mr Rooster

Reindeer Appreciation (by Nate Cornick)

Alice In Chains

three of the greatest songs every written were on the dirt album. down in a hole, angry chair, and would?. even the live recordings and bootlegs carry the power of these three songs. the album over all was also amazing. after all these years it's still incredibly difficult to find albums that hold their own next to this one.

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #12

Mace Master Mann of Ye Olde Kingdom of Colorado Springs, CO writes:

Dear Dr. Mr. Rooster,

If four maidens with cheese logs for hands approachest thou in a dark alley. What would thou dost doeth? Wouldeth you kick the Muenster Maiden in the teeth or the perhaps the lacy swiss lass in the shin? Please advise, which course of action would doth be more appropriateth?

Mace Master Mann


Dear Mace Master Mann,
   As it is well known I have fought the Muenster Maiden before. If you recall, it was when I befriended the time traveller, John Titor, and we went back in time to the middle ages to stop the Muenster Maiden from changing the course of history and cheese logs forever. You may also recall how I beat the Muenster Maiden. It was discovered that the Muenster Maiden was not a maiden at all but a man. So I kicked the Muenster Man in the marbles, thus securing the safety of time and cheese for all mankind. You may also use this move to defeat him. I guarantee he has no new ways of fighting you. He has cheese logs for arms for crying out loud!
   As for the lacy swiss lass, she is a very eligible princess. I highly advise that you marry her and take her to your home immediately! Godspeed Sir Knight!

Your cheese war ally,
Dr. Mr. Rooster

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #11

Advertisment on myspace asks:

Should Dick Cheney be allowed to hunt?


Dear myspace ad,

Yes. In fact we should get him a better prescription on his glasses (something the equivalent of beer goggles), and strap fake antlers on lawyers and set them free in a forest to roam. Don't give Dick a better gun though. It's more fun if he picks them off slowly with a shotgun.

You go Mr. NRA!,
Dr. Mr. Rooster

p.s.- Cheney's got a gun. The party's just begun....

Repost from my movie interests: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

I saw The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. It was actually good. However, I am deeply disappointed that there were no reindeer to be seen in the movie. I have written a very moving letter of complaint:

Dear Sirs,
   I have seen your movie The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Although I feel that it was a superbly directed movie, I am extremely distraught over the fact that there is not one single reindeer in the entire movie. Aslan needs reindeers too! If you do not do a rewrite and reshoot within the next 72 hours, I will be forced to cure each and every one of you. I believe this request is quite reasonable. Thank you.
                                                             Signed,
                                                             A champion for equal rights for reindeer.

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #10

Edward Bobhands aka jubby of Colorado Springs had this to say:

Why is it that when you try to smoke bacon you only get a politician?


Dear Edward Bobhands aka jubby,
Meat dealers much like car dealers try to sell you things you don't need or want for that matter. If you ask for a car with a cigarette lighter you get a flamethrower equipped S.W.A.T. team that hides in your trunk. Although I can think of many times where I've wanted this, I don't want to pay for this feature. Well, the same thing goes for meat dealers. They are very tricky merchants, so be careful. If you buy meat such as the aforementioned bacon, be sure to check the bags 'cause they sometimes like to slip an unwanted politician in there. Sometimes these merchants are so crafty that they even disguise the politicians to look like an ordinary piece of meat. This is why you sometimes won't discover them until you start cooking. Politicians live for heated debates, and they love to grill others, but not when they are under heat. If you happen to catch one under heat they will try to distract you with lawyer speak, and point to a bomb being dropped in your backyard (dropped by someone else by the way), and run out the nearest door. Sometimes, you will get an animal rights politician who will yell at you, throw the meat you were about to cook on the floor, and lock himself in your oven. The best thing to do in this situation is call Goodwill for a pick-up, and buy a new stove. As a side note, this is why you find broken down politicians in the 50% discount rack. DO NOT ATTEMPT RESCUE! Goodwill will throw them out after a couple of months, when they realize that noone wants a used, half-baked, discounted politician.
Signed,
Dr. Mr. Rooster

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #9

Johnny Newbie-onic of Detroit asks:

Dear Dr. Mr. Rooster,
So what IS it like being on fire with scissors lodged in your temple?
Your friend,
Johnny Newbie-onic


Dear Johnny Newbie-onic,
Come over here and I'll show you!
Love,
Dr. Mr. Rooster
-p.s.- I am not your friend.

The Picard Song video

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #8

The Tin-Man is going to kill you (and how)! of Denver, CO writes:
My question:
Why are the people in tampon commercials and the herpes valtrex commercials so happy? I could not imagine smiling if I got infected with an incurable std. I know I am NEVER happy when PMS hits.

Dear The Tin-Man is going to kill you (and how)!,
Never once do any of these commercials actually come out and say that the actors have stds. Most people including yourself assume that the actors do. The reason they are smiling is that the company is also aware of this assumption and makes up for it by giving hefty paychecks to the actors. Later, they are put into witness protection programs and get moved to Norway where they start really cool garage bands.

Skip James Sings "Crow Jane"

Crow Jane

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #7

...lellies and remains... of Denver, CO yet again writes:

Alright, this is my question: What is the point of baggy bondage pants?

Dear ...lellies and remains...,
Somehow I knew you would ask me something like this. Baggy bondage is an oxymoron. Bondage pants are supposed to be restrictive to movement. Baggy pants are to allow you to move freely. In this case we have what I call retro fitting. Every new invention roughly resembles the thing it replaced. Going backwards in the BBC Connections like fashion....
Baggy bondage pants are the result of goths who listened to steady rythmic dance beats long enough to realize that all other electronic music has steady rythmic dance beats. In this case they became confused by raver music. Ravers like flashy glittery and of course baggy clothing. Goths not wanting to completely abandon their tight fitting, black wearing, punk roots opt for baggy black clothing. This just explains why the pants are black and baggy. But what about the bondage straps you may ask. This goes back to the nineties grunge years (also known as the baggy pants wearing skateboarders years). The skaters wore baggy pants to allow ease of movement while skating. The media became confused by this practical use of clothing and called it the new grunge fashion. Metalheads were hit the hardest by this. They, wanting to keep their edge started wearing the baggy pants but continued to wear all black. The media after realizing it's terrible mistake tried to fix this by omitting all mention of the word grunge and lobbying to have the laws changed so that companies like Clear Channel could buy out all the smaller companies and change their format to salsa and soft jazz. But they were already too late. The doors were opened for other older styles of music to hit the big time. Namely, punk. Punk, ever traditional and slowly getting worse, was effecting fashion once again. Metalheads, trying to retain their edge after the grunge (or should I say the alternative to alternative) incident, saw the punk look as a way to regain some of that edge. So, bondage straps were added to the baggy pants. But they were not too baggy yet. Going back to the raver thing, baggy pants just kept getting bigger and bigger. No explanation except that ravers really like flashy stuff. All of this should have disappeared rather quickly had it not been for the complete removal of all memory from the youth of the grunge movement. They had no memory of it so they couldn't go back and start over. This problem was perpetuated by the media's newly packaged new metal (another solution to the media's terrible mistake). New metal needed a style so they used the already described pants. That's the point of baggy bondage pants. I guess it really is an oxymoron. I'm going to bed. Wake me when we hit the next decade. Maybe things will be better.
Sincerely,
Dr. Mr. Rooster

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #6

...lellies and remains... of Denver....still, Colorado writes:
I just wish I knew what to ask?

Well, lellies and remains, this is not a proper question. It's more of a sentence, but beggars can't be choosers, so the answer is ANYTHING! I don't care. It could be how many licks does it take to get to the center of Dick Cheney's brain? Whatever is fine.
Signed but not really,
Dr. Mr. Rooster

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #5

Current mood:aggravated
So the Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster thing is a complete flop. Apparently, everyone's too busy posting stupid questionaires to ask me any questions. So if you ask me (which you haven't) don't ask anymore stupid questions unless you want me to answer those questionaires.
-The Doc

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #4

Current mood:accomplished

eeka from Dallas, Texas writes:

From: eeka
Date: Jan 19, 2006 11:38 AM

so you like hum ?
never met a horse with such good taste in music
so does that mean your hung like a horse?

Dear eeka,
Congratulations! You're the only one to figure out the Hum reference. There should be an award or something. Of course, spelling Hum in lower case makes your question look like you forgot something or you couldn't quite get the hang of saying um, so you say hummm instead. All joking aside, I never met a woman with such good taste in horses.
As for your last question, if the singer from my former band was here he'd say: "That's why we call him stallion!" So, hummm, yes.
Signed,
Dr. Mr. Mr. Dr.

A Blog On Bulletins

Current mood:irritated

I'm tired of the abuse of bulletins. They are not supposed to be used for stupid surveys every five minutes. A bulletin is too be used to send important messages to a wide group of people without having to send a separate message to each one of your friends. If you want to know something about someone via survey, send it to them directly. If you post things on bulletins that the majority of people don't care about, they will eventually start ignoring them, and when you have something that is important to share they are all the more likely to ignore it also. It's kind of like the boy who cried wolf. Myspace was originally set up as a networking tool. We should all respect the other users who still use it as such even if we don't. It's just proper internet etiquette.-The Dok

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #3

*Mo* of El Paso, Texas writes:

ah yes, BHR, Nancy got me into you guys, you totally rock! And you did a fantastic job of the album, from the few songs I heard! When will the next album be released? I <3 you.
*Mo*


Dear star thingy Mo star thingy,

There are no official release dates for Buzzhead Republic's next full-length album. The goal is to release it sometime early 2007. I am annoyed but I understand the reason why people abbreviate names, but to abbreviate a two word band to three letters is misleading. People might think, that the band is spelled Buzz Head Republic which it is not. However, if you abbreviate it properly you get BR which looks like you're trying to say you're cold. This is a conundrum that the world may not soon solve. It is an ancient problem. In fact, I remember lecturing once in my former college professor days that the Egyptian pharaoh Rameses II, would often contemplate this enigma on his daily strolls along the Nile banks. Legend has it that on one of these such days he was struck with the solution of how to abbreviate two word bands to three letters properly without any embarrassing misunderstandings. His solution was so brilliant and beautifully simple that he became overjoyed and ordered the carving of his glorious likeness all over Egypt. He became so enthralled by his likeness that he nearly forgot to have the solution carved in stone before his death. This stone, unlike that of its cousin the Rosetta Stone, has yet to be uncovered, and remains still only a myth.
-Dr. Mr. Rooster

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #2

Gently Holistic Mann of Colorado Springs, Colorado writes:

Dear Dr. Mr. Rooster,

I have a question for you. What is My question for you? I have capitalized the word "my" because I am so awesome that when words in sentances refer to me, they are to be captalized. So in anycase... back to my original question: what is my question? Please advise. Thank you.

Sincerly,
Mr. Mann


Dear Mr. Mann,

I fully understand your need to capitalize "my" as one great person such as Myself only could. However, I do not understand your need to misspell "sentences". So your question is: How do you spell "sentences"? which I just answered. You're welcome.

Not so sincerely,
Dr. Mr. Rooster

p.s. -That's how you spell "sincerely".

Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster #1

Lovely Lady of Massachusetts writes:
umm what kind of dr are you?


Lovely Lady,
I am the kind of doctor, that when addressing, you should call Dr. not dr. For the rest of you that's Dr. Mr. But you, Lovely Lady, can just call me Dr.
-Dr. Mr. Rooster

NEW! Advice Column

I have now dedicated my blog to giving advice to all you losers. Believe me, you need it. I should know, I'm a doctor.
I will still post my other musings, 'cause somebody needs to teach you all a thing or two. Probably three.
Send me a message with any advice questions or general questions. I will repost the question with my answer on the Ask Dr. Mr. Rooster blog. This is just for fun, I'm no expert, but really...I am.

Pogs

Current mood:nostalgic

does anyone remember playing pogs? I still have all mine. I collected all the ones with skulls, punisher skulls, and grunge colors.I wonder if they're worth anything. I wonder if anyone even cares.

if this don't kill you... (inexplicably by Me)

if this don't kill you... (inexplicably by Me)

1, 2, 3, 4
yes i can count too four
i am the greatest evermore
1, 2, 3, 4
touch the ceiling and the floor
i can too i'm six foot four
1, 2, 3, 5
i'm six foot five and flying
why do i keep on crying
when the wind gets in my eyes
1, 2, 3, 5
1, 2, 3, 4
laying down upon the floor
1, 2, 3, 5
i'm not gonna die

poem by Me

Current mood:amused

poem by Me

I've got a monkey on my back
The monkey is back!
He's back on my back
Hello Mr. Black, 'cause that's his name
I see you're on my back again

okay I lied

Current mood:chipper

I realized I been too serious lately. i need to post something funny. or weird or both . Or mayby I won't , cause this is already starting to anoy me. Lokk at that. Now I'm really annoyed! I haven't made that many typing errors since my 6th grade crush said hi to me in computer class. Or that time Dick Cheney said hi to me in computer class. Ohmagosh, is that a dancing horse? Who are all you people? ...Nice threads!


There once was a man from Nantucket
Who pulled down his pants and said-
How dare you look at me while I'm changing!


Yeah how dare you! -Dr